Thursday 30 January 2014

Thinking aloud

posted fb 30/01/14


#359 Thinking aloud

I am an African warrior
I fight as many battles as I can
I have been fighting all my life
since I left African land

I fight battles when I find them
As I walk these cold streets
I don’t understand their ways
I won’t concede defeat

I have been here all my life
there is a lot I still don’t know
I have too much pride
so I struggle on with no indication
that what I am doing isn’t right

I work hard
I’ve even got a  few degrees
try as I will
they still have much more than me

they have stability
this comes with owning land
I rent for too many years
scared to venture out of  their plans

there are times when I walk the streets
with fear in my heart
there is money to be made
I don’t know where to start

it is not as difficult as you think
as long as you have connections
the world is your oyster
we are the pearls

our naivety is precious
wherever we have been scattered
scattered around this world
we stay where we are put
without a definitive plan

all that is left

posted fb 30/01/14

#356 The remnants of us


I want everything to be perfect

As you left me

So perfectly

Empty

Missing

Without you

Everything polished pristine

And clean

Sterile sanitise

With no trace

Of you or me

They will uncover

The depth of us

Amongst all we have left

Then determine

They knew us

From the remnants


We left behind

In the beginning we are all the same

posted fb 30/01/14

#358 Searching for an end

I am searching for an end
to make my beginning make sense
somewhere along the way
I have lost my way
it was bright with so much ahead
now I am searching for an end





remember this

posted fb 30/01/14

#358 If I was

If I was rich
would you treat me the same
keep me back
suppress me
then give me the blame

if I was white
would you not see my pain
Shylock was the one who stated
yes we bleed the same

if I was young
would you question what I say
always doubt me
as if to me life was a game

if I was old
would you trust me
assume I had seize to exist
as you no longer see me

forever remember this

self reliant

posted fb 30/01/14

#360 I have remained tall

you disrupt my life
throw me off track
I want to move on
I know there is no going back

so much has been said
so much has been done
so hard to forgive
cannot trust anyone

when I needed support
no one was there
I had to do it on my own
so now everything is clear

this inner strength
is all that I have
it is the thing that has stayed with me
through thick and thin

when I have felt desperate
isolated
feeling all alone
I have kept on going

too far away from home
nothing familiar
nothing I can recall
I have been there for myself

I have remained tall

Tuesday 21 January 2014

Stop calling me 'Girl!'

I am digging deep, this is a poem I wrote over 10 years ago.  I had lost my phone in a mini cab, I needed to report it at the Police Station.  I remember waiting in line it, was Brixton Police station, so it was busy as per usual.  The officer behind the desk took down my details, then whilst I was waiting heard her refer to me 'As that girl' Now I was on my way from work, I know I look young but I ain't No Girl.   Some people are like you should be flattered, why coz I got a good pool of genes, and I don't look my age.  No I am a Woman.   Thank you very much.  Now the term for a Black Woman is far more weighted, during Slavery they always refereed to the Men and Women as 'Boys' and 'Girls',  Yes we were owned, I guess this was a further way to add to the degradation, as if things were not bad enough.

posted fb 21/01/14


#349 You call me girl

Do I look like a girl to you?
look at the expanse of my hips
and the fullness of my lips
says I am an experienced woman
if you get my gist

yet you call me girl
I raise my children better than you
I budget more as I get paid less than you
yet you call me girl
I have to juggle duck and dive
whenever I deal with you
I have to bob and weave
just not to displease you
yet you call me girl

when you slay me with that tongue like knife
you undermine my contribution to this life

when you call me girl
it is as if you said dog
you make my blood run cold
as you fail to recognise my wounded soul

when you call me girl
I want to curl up and die
you have no regards
you do it all the time

you call me girl
like I have not lived
I’ve lived 10 more lives than you
as I struggle to survive

you call me girl
like I have not gived
I have given up my lives
than history records in those lines

you call me girl
as I am force to walk
the streets at night
you reel me in
you hold me back
I am constantly under the ‘Girl attack’

Currently unemployed

posted  fb 21/01/14


#351 Unemployed

Unemployed
I am unemployed
it means
I have no use

that can be deployed
I am waiting
until I can be incorporated
meanwhile
I sit here
taking the abuse
they look at me
as if I am to blame
like this is my plan
to sit on my laurels
while collecting a few grand
I want to work
honest I do
but the figures don't add up
work 5 days
rest for two
doing jobs
that no one wants to do
I will just wait here
till I can be employed
something rewarding and fulfilling
that will fill me  full of joy




Sunday 19 January 2014

Has this ever happened to you?

posted fb 19/01/14


#345 In the morning

I woke in the morning
well I think I was awake
I opened my eyes
I didn’t recognise this face
what had happened
how did I get here
there was a party some laughter
too many bottles of beer
did I really get it on with a stranger
throwing away all those years
now know one has to know
that way no one gets hurt
I will slip from under these covers

if only I could find my shirt


The New cross Fire. 32 years on

I remember the fire as if it was yesterday.  Racial tension in the area? I have cause to spent a lot of time in that area.  I have to say no.  Everyone is struggling on the same level, there is racial harmony amongst the poor.  I don't know what it was like all those years ago, but whenever I visit I am marvelled at the races linking arms.  Women walking side by side black and white.  There is the mutual respect that I haven't seen anywhere else.  In Brixton there is the unspoken segregation, I speak of Brixton say 20 years ago. ( I got know idea what goes on there now) In Brixton when you see the racist mixing it is often some wanna be Black guy.  He has a great record collection, his has mastered the swagger and he can talk patois like any 'just come from yard Jamaican' New  Cross and Deptford no they have found peace.

posted fb 19/01/14

#346 I remember


I remember it, like it was yesterday
I remember the cries
‘No justice no peace!’
we marched for those lost lives
now so many years on
this empty spot in my heart
has not been filled
with the answers
as to why
was it the music too loud?
or was it a feud?
there is someone out there
who knows the sickening truth
does it haunt them?
both day and night
or have they drugged themselves up
to keep the memories out
do they wake from their sleep
with a  deafening shout
have I walked past them in the street?
maybe they are begging as we speak
until they confess
this will be their eternal grief

Friday 17 January 2014

You never know what you are going to miss

posted fb 17/01/14

#343 I miss you

I miss you,
I never thought I would
I longed for this day
now it is here
I miss you
I never thought I would
the presence that is you
your voice
your opinion
which I never welcomed
now I miss
I miss you

I miss all of you and more